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Proper Dress for Children in Shul

Recently, a couple approached me after Shabbat services to discuss the issue of what is proper for children to wear in shul on Shabbat. They have read the articles in this column that have discussed the general guidelines of what is appropriate to wear to shul – namely clothing that is respectful, dignified and modest. This means men should wear suits or sport coats and ties, women should wear skirts or dresses that do not have bare shoulders, or are cut too low or are too short, or business style pant suits. This couple was concerned with what they have observed young children wear when they attend children’s services – sneakers, jeans and other clothing that seemed out of place.

Part of my response to this issue is that, in general, Judaism teaches certain values to our children by merely “absorbing” from the environment the children are in. For example, on Friday night, parents “bless” their children – this act teaches children that, though they may have been disciplined in the past week, they are still loved by their parents who wish only the best for them now and in the future. This weekly pattern develops a strong bond between parents and children (also serving to temper some of that discipline, since the parents want their children to respect them even in the heat of the moment).

Another example is the Passover Seder, where the rituals and the foods teach the history of our people and also pass on certain values and messages. For instance, we learn from the Four Sons and the Magid section that there need to be individualized approaches to teaching. Each person must be instructed in a manner that will be understood by that individual. Some are receptive to great details, others must have visual and tactile symbols, and others just the overview.

So, too, with what children should wear to shul. If we adults show our young children that we take care in what we wear to shul, they will get the message that going to synagogue is different from going to the mall. We must have even our young children wearing appropriate clothing so that it becomes natural for them. Button down shirts and dress pants for boys; dresses, skirts or dress pants, blouses, sweater tops for girls and shoes (not sneakers) for all – these would certainly be appropriate choices. On the other hand, jeans, carpenter pants, sneakers, pants with holes, bare midriffs and mini-skirts would not be appropriate!

Judaism tries to have us develop a sense of sanctity in our lives – certain times are
“holy” – Shabbat and holidays; certain relationships are “holy” – marriage (the ceremony is known as Kedushin – we recognize the Hebrew word “Kadosh” in this term); certain places are “holy” – the home, the table we eat at, the synagogue, cemeteries. We have rituals to remind us of the sanctity of Shabbat, weddings and funerals; we dress in a special way for these special holy places and times. It is our duty as parents and teachers and role models for the next generation to pass on to our children the proper behavior in certain places and the proper dress when at these special places