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Keriah
Alvin Stern
In previous columns, we have discussed the customs and laws associated
with shiva and the mourning period. In this article we will talk about the Keriah.
Traditionally, when one heard the news of a loved one’s
passing, the survivor would tear his or her garment as an outward sign of the
loss - just as our heart has just been broken, so too, our clothing shows that
it is no longer whole. This garment would then be worn throughout the initial
mourning period.
Today, as part of the funeral ritual, the mourners are given
a small black cloth attached by a pin to their clothing. This is then cut as
the mourners say Abaruch dayan emet@ - blessed is the True Judge. Though we
certainly are not happy with G-d’s decision to take our loved one away,
we must have faith in Him and accept the decision. This is what we say every
time we recite the Kaddish - we praise G-d, acknowledging his mastery of the
world and of us. The Keriah cloth (Keriah meaning cut) is worn on the left side
for a parent (over the heart) and on the right side for brothers, sister, children,
and spouses. This is another way we fulfill the Commandment to honor our parents
and demonstrate the special relation children have for their parents.
The Keriah cloth is worn throughout the sheloshim period (first
30 days of mourning). Although it should be worn on Shabbat, it should not be
visible - i.e. one should wear it on the inside of a jacket or under a vest
or sweater. This is because we are not supposed to show outward signs of mourning
on Shabbat - mourners do not sit shiva at home, but go to shul; they may put
on clean Shabbat clothes and others should not extend condolences on Shabbat.
Of course, though outward signs of mourning are forbidden, clearly the mourner’s
emotions are deeply affected by the loss. After Shabbat ends, the mourners return
home and continue sitting shiva, again wearing the Keriah cloth visibly.
The cloth is taken off at the end of the sheloshim period, marking
another transition in the healing process. Though, as we have previously discussed,
there are restrictions during the remainder of the year, the removal of the
torn cloth publicly indicates that another step has taken toward returning to
the community - as long as one is marked by the wearing of a distinctive cloth,
it is obvious to all as to the mental state of the wearer, but once the cloth
is removed the outer symbol is gone; hopefully, the mourner is able to put the
loss in perspective and focus more on the values and good memories of the deceased
than on the death and loss.
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