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Rituals and Prayers

Shavuot

Alvin Stern

Beginning with the Second Night of Pesach, we count a seven week period leading up to the holiday of Shavuot – the Time of the Giving of the Torah. Linked to the Festival of Freedom is a holiday marking the giving of Laws, for without laws, a society would be one of anarchy and chaos, not freedom. This period is know as Sefirat HaOmer, the counting of the grain offering brought to the Temple each of the 49 days leading to Shavuot, reminding us of the importance of each and every day and the opportunities they give us.

Historically, during the period of Roman persecution, the Jews were prohibited from studying Torah. To circumvent these restrictions, the scholars and their students would go out into the woods and study secretly. They had sentries posted, armed with bows and arrows, which they would fire as warning signals if Roman soldiers would approach, giving the students time to hide their materials. Unfortunately, a plague afflicted the students and many died during the period between the holidays. A miracle occurred when the plague abrubtly ceased on the 33rd day; thus, a minor holiday was created to honor the students and teachers. Outdoor games of archery became popular, as did setting up bonfires to light the night sky. This holiday is known as Lag B’Omer, composed of the letters Lamid and Gimel: Lamid equaling 30 and Gimel equaling 3.

Shavuot is a one-day holiday in Israel, but a two-day one in the Diaspora. It is marked with decorating the synagogue and home with fresh greens and flowers, since this is the time of the first harvest in Israel. It is customary to eat dairy, and there are several explanations for this:

1. According to the Torah, the Jews needed time to learn proper slaughtering of animals. Thus, it was much easier to simply eat dairy!
2. As much as babies need milk to survive, we all need Torah to survive.
3. We associate milk and honey with the Land of Israel. Sweet dairy foods may remind us of the link between the Torah, the people of Israel and the Land of Israel.

My grandparents taught me that as a “reward” for faithfully counting all the days of the Omer, one would be treated to rich cheesecake on Shavuot. Since neither Jodi nor I are cheesecake lovers, we substitute a frozen ice cream cake as the Shavuot treat. We also look forward to eating blintzes and sour cream and other dairy products. Since Shavuot is our early summer holiday, eating these lighter dairy foods makes a nice contrast to the heavy meat centered Seder meals, and the similarly heavy meals of Rosh Hashanah and Sukkot. Thus, our three Pilgrimage holidays all have different “flavors,” matzah-based on Pesach, sweet harvest foods for Sukkot and dairy for Shavuot.

Finally, on Shavuot, we celebrate another “harvest,” the milestone our children reach in their Jewish education when they confirm being part of the Jewish community at the Confirmation ceremony on the first day. On the day we commemorate receiving the Torah, we symbolically pass it on to yet another link in the chain of our Jewish heritage.

Purim

Alvin Stern

This month, as we prepare for the holiday of Purim, we will discuss the few rituals associated with this very minor holiday. The most important one is to hear the reading of the Megillah, the Book of Esther, which is read from a scroll, written without vowels or trop symbols. This reading is done both in the evening and again in the morning. It is one of very few commandments that are required to be done at specific times that are incumbent on men, women and children. Since all the people of Persia were saved from destruction, we all have to hear the story and celebrate. On Purim, we collect the shekalim which were originally used for a census count. Each person brought a half shekel, and the funds raised went to maintain the Temple. In our day, the shekalim are used for worthy causes.

During the reading, there are several verses that are recited by the congregation before the Reader: Chapter 2, Verse 5, when Mordechai is introduced, Chapter 8, Verse 15 relating Mordechai’s status at the end of the story, and the next verse “LaYehudim Hayta Orah v’Simcha v’Simcha v”Yikar,” the Jews had light and gladness, joy and honor (which we recite every week as part of Havdalah) and the final verse of the Book in Chapter 10. Certain verses or parts of verses are chanted in the melody of Eicha (Lamentations) to connote a degree of sadness or impending doom; otherwise the trop used is unique to Esther.

On Purim, we exchange gifts with our friends. The gifts are called Shalach Manot and are packages that contain at least two different edibles, often Hamentashen, candy and/or fruit. Many people make their own Shalach Manot packages. Our Sisterhood prepares packages and distributes them shortly before Purim. Judaism teaches us to share our joy; it is also customary to give tzedakah on Purim (known as Matanot L’evyonim).

Many drink alcohol on Purim, as did King Achashverosh. Some drink to the point of “adloyadah” (not knowing the difference between blessing Mordechai and cursing Haman)! This “command” can be easily fulfilled simply going to sleep! In former times, it was customary to present a Purim Schpiel which is a farcical look at a scholar or other popular figures. Costumes are often worn on Purim. A Seudah (festive meal) is held late in the afternoon of Purim, again copied from the banquets that Esther hosted for the King and Haman (at which she revealed her identity and Haman’s plot).

Finally, since Purim comes exactly one month before Pesach, we have one last blast before getting down to the hard work of cleansing our houses for Pesach, purchasing all that we will need and preparing for the holiday. It is my custom to chant the last verse of Megilat Esther to the tune of El Biney from the Seder to remind us of the approach of the holiday that truly liberated us!

Ritual Practices: Prayer

Many of the past discussions in this column have been about home-centered ritual observances. This time, let us discuss the rituals surrounding prayer - which can be practiced both at home, in private, and in the synagogue in public worship. There are three services recited each day - (1) Ma'ariv (the evening service, named for the sun setting in the west), (2) Shacharit (the morning service), and (3) Mincha (the afternoon service; mincha means gift - it is a gift of ourselves to G-d to take time in the afternoon to recite these prayers). On Shabbat and holy days (major holidays, Rosh Chodesh and Chol Hamoed) we also add a Musaph (additional offerings were made in the Temple on those days).

There are several types of prayers we have, including: (1) thanksgiving - being grateful for what we have; the Shehecheyanu is a common example, (2) praise to G-d; the Hallel is a prime example, though many of the Psalms and prayers like Baruch Sh'amar are in this category, and (3) prayers of requests; the weekday Amidah (Shemonah Esray) is a series of asking for forgiveness, health, listening to our prayers, etc. If we think of prayer as a form of communication between ourselves and G-d, we can understand the need for these different types of prayers.

Before having these interactions with G-d, we need to consider several things - are we dressed appropriately to "talk" to the King of Kings? We would not consider approaching a royal figure dressed in raggedy jeans or tattered clothes. We should similarly be dressed properly for prayer. While black-tie and formal gowns are not necessary, our clothing should be chosen to be dignified and respectful for being in G-d's presence. While we at TBS may be somewhat more lenient about this at the daily minyanim during the summertime, certainly we have a certain standard of dress for our Shabbat services.

For morning services, men, and many women, wear the Tallit. The Tallit is worn only once a year for the evening services - on Yom Kippur's Kol Nidre night, when we don it before nightfall and wear it as a symbol of being wrapped in G-d's protective embrace. It is worn at Mincha services only by the leader, and on Shabbat and fast days (when we read the Torah) by those having aliyot on the Bimah - and taken off shortly after the Torah reading is completed. The Tallit was traditionally worn only by married men, and so there is a custom of a bride presenting her groom with a Tallit under the Chupah (symbolizing to all that he was no longer "in circulation"). On weekdays men over the age of Bar Mitzvah (and some women as well) wear the Tefillin, which contain 4 passages from the Torah that reference the wearing of Tefillin as a sign between us and G-d.

Now that we are properly "dressed" for prayer, we need to consider location - where do we pray? Obviously a synagogue or chapel is designed for setting the proper mood. Any room can be used for services - other than a bathroom, or a room with foul odors that would distract us from having kavanah (intention). Ramah campers, USY-on -Wheelniks and pilgrims to Israel find that some of the greatest places to pray are outside under the wide open sky - where we can truly appreciate G-d's handiwork as expressed in nature. One can pray at home as well - a family room or living room might be most appropriate.

Though praying with a minyan is most desirable, taking a few minutes several times a day to recite a few prayers can be both stimulating and soothing. A few prayers cannot be recited without a minyan- such as the Kaddish, Kedushah and Borchu - but we can easily find some psalms or other prayers, which speak to us depending on the mood we are in. That is another feature of prayer - besides our speaking to G-d, the prayers allow us to hear G-d talking to us and sometimes when we pray, we are also talking to ourselves - perhaps finding comfort in the words of the psalmist. Sometimes, of course, we can recite words found in our Siddurim that work for us, but at other times we need to express our own thoughts. Sometimes, reading Biblical passages is helpful - that, too, can be a form of prayer - listening to G-d's words, and getting a personal message.

Whatever form of prayer you find most satisfying - whether at home or in shul, whether words from our liturgy or words from your heart - try setting aside some time on a regular basis to engage in a dialogue with G-d!

Ritual Practices: Shabbat

Alvin Stern

In his Kol Nidre message, Rabbi Lindemann spoke to us about having tipping points in our lives and specifically talked about the observance of Shabbat. Let us continue that theme with some of the rituals of Shabbat that are easy to observe in your home on a weekly basis.

To the set the mood for Shabbat's arrival, the house should be clean, we can bring fresh flowers to the table, the dinner could be set in the dining room using special dishes or a special tablecloth - a simple way to indicate that Shabbat is not just another day of the week. The meal itself could be festive - just being in the house and smelling the aromas of the meal being prepared can set a mood!

On the table we have two whole loaves of challah (or one challah and a small challah roll, or challah rolls for all) covered with a challah cloth (though a napkin will do, a challah cloth usually depicts a Shabbat table scene). Candles may be placed on the table or on a side table and should be lit with the appropriate bracha. It is customary to have the parents bless their children before the meal - using the words of the Priestly blessing in Hebrew or English. This ritual alone tells the children how valued and loved they are - even when much of the previous week has had its share of disagreements and necessary discipline, when Shabbat starts and the children are blessed, the peacefulness of the moment conveys the deep love that exists.

The Kiddush is recited over a cup of wine or grape juice - anyone who is preparing for their Bar or Bat Mitzvah or has already celebrated that milestone, should be able to do this with ease. Before having the challah, we wash our hands - a ritual cleansing before handling food. It is customary not to talk between the washing and the recitation of the ha-motzi - once again providing a peaceful moment to remind us that we can take time out of our busy, noisy routine to enjoy the quiet and restfulness of Shabbat. The Ha-motzi is then recited over the challah and all are given a piece to eat (salt is sprinkled on the bread to remind us of the sacrificial offerings using bread and salt).

After the challah, it is time to enjoy the meal, during which family members can engage each other is discussions - unlike much of the rest of the week when there are meetings, activities, Hebrew School carpools, etc. After dinner, the Birkat HaMazon is recited (there are short and traditional versions), which may be preceded with singing of Zemirot (table songs). Friday night can be a family night - a chance to enjoy a leisurely dinner with time to be together. Many families play table games after dinner (Scrabble, Monopoly, etc); others may watch a video together or sit in the room reading.

All of the appropriate blessings can be found in the Siddur Sim Shalom which we use at TBS - there is a section of home observances in the back. Copies can be purchased through the synagogue. We can also provide transliterations, where needed.

A good reference book would be the Jewish Catalog - a series that came out in the 70's, and has lots of creative ideas. The library has a copy. Our Rabbis would also be available to offer help. Whatever you do will help bring your family together for at least one night a week - that alone is precious! Shabbat Shalom!

Ritual Practices: Havdalah

Alvin Stern

Just as we usher in the Shabbat with rituals such as Kiddush, blessing the children and lighting the candles, so, too, when the Shabbat is over we have a ceremony to mark the occasion. Known as Havdalah (meaning separation), this short ritual consists of several components. The symbols used are (1) a glass of wine (though grape juice can be used, and other beverages such as vodka are permissible, but require a different blessing to be used), (2) sweet spices - to revive us as our extra soul that joined us for Shabbat leaves and (3) a multi-wicked candle. The wine is held in the right hand; often children assist by holding the candle and spices. The prayers begin with an introductory paragraph (Hinei El Yeshuati …behold, G-d is my salvation), which includes the well-known verse "U'shavtem Mayim B'Sasone" - and you can draw water with joy from the wells of salvation. Just before the leader recites the verse from the Megillah of Esther (LaYehudim Hayta Orah v' Simcha, v'Sasone v'Yikar - the Jews had light and gladness, joy and honor), the congregation recites that verse, and the candle is held high to shed light on the participants.

The leader then recites the Bracha for the wine (Boray P'ree Hagafen), but does not drink it until the ceremony is completed. Then he or she recites the Bracha for the spices (Boray Menay Besammim) and inhales the sweet aroma - often cinnamon and/or cloves and passes the spice box around so all can inhale the scents. As the leader recites the third blessing for the light (Boray M'oray HaAish), all present place their hands, palm side up with the fingers curved so that the shadow of the fingers is visible on the palm. The final blessing acknowledges G-d as the one who separates holy from mundane, light from dark, Israel from the other nations and the Shabbat from the other days of Creation. At this point the wine is drunk, and the candle extinguished either directly into the cup of wine, or into a plate into which some wine has been poured. We have a tradition at TBS of extinguishing the candle's flames in vodka, which then ignites and causes a tower of flame to be produced - thus we take the Shabbat's light and joy into the new week which has just begun.

It is traditional to sing several songs at the end of Havdalah - Hamavdil bane kodesh l'chol (He who separates holy from mundane), Eliyahu HaNavi (it is believed that the Shabbat is like the utopia of Messianic times to come, since Elijah the Prophet will announce the coming of the Mashiach, we sing and pray that this coming week will be the beginning of the Messianic period! Lastly we sing Shavuah Tov - wishing each other a good week!

There are several variations to the basic Havdalah service - when a festival concludes on a weekday, we only use the wine and recite the blessing for it and the concluding blessing (we don't recite the introductory section or sing the songs at the end). After Yom Kippur, we use the candle but not the spices, and light the candle from a flame that had been lit before the holiday began (such as a Yahrzeit candle).

Although the ceremony of Havdalah should be done first thing at the conclusion of Shabbat, it may be done anytime until Tuesday night - since we are still closer to the previous Shabbat than the next one. If Tisha B'av falls on Sunday, we do Havdalah at the conclusion of the fast day (using the pattern of a holiday ending on a weekday). On Chanukah we do Havdalah before lighting the Chanukia candles at home, but in shul, we light the Chanukah candles first in order to proclaim the miracle of the holiday.

Havdalah is easy to perform at home and there are beautiful havdalah sets available; it is a nice way to make the transition from the Day of Rest to the work week.

Ritual Practices: Shiva Visits

Alvin Stern

As humans we all experience various joys and sorrows in our lifetimes. Also, as part of our Jewish community we tend to share our simchas and tzuris and make ourselves available to others, both to celebrate the good times and to help console at times of loss.

One of the ways to do the latter, is to visit someone in the first days after a loved one’s passing. The first seven days after burial are known as shiva (for the Hebrew word for seven) Those who mourn stay at home and sit on low stools or the floor, as a symbol for how low they feel and to deprive themselves of the basic pleasure of sitting high on a comfortable chair. The shiva period begins at the burial (day 1) and ends on the seventh day with one hour of mourning, followed by a walk around the block to symbolize a return to the outside world. When we visit those in mourning we should go, not to cheer them, but to help them find comfort in the memories they have of the departed.

Traditionally, one does not start to speak to the mourner until the mourner speaks first – this simple rule allows us to sense the mood of the mourner, and to gear our response accordingly. If the mourner starts to talk of the deceased with fond memories, we should help them reminisce, drawing out those good thoughts – in the process, we may learn something about the deceased as well. If, on the other hand, the mourner wants to avoid these memories, then we should not ask about them. Sometimes, the comfort can come just from our presence – the mourner is not as alone in the world as he or she feels at that moment.

As the days of shiva progress, the mourner may begin to feel better, having reached some balance between the intense grief and the fond memories – this process will continue throughout the first year, in stages – first shiva, then, sheloshim (thirty day period) and then the rest of the avel (mourning) year.

Mourners recite the Kaddish in praise of G-d, who has both given a life and taken it away during the mourning period. Since mourners stay at home during the first week, we hold services at their home – thus we have shiva minyans. At TBS, we will arrange for leaders, siddurim and sometimes even the minyan itself. Evening minyanim are easier to arrange than ones in the morning; but we have done that as well. If you know of someone in your neighborhood who is sitting shiva, please join the minyan – just by being there you will help ease some of the pain. At the end of the service, it is appropriate to approach the mourner and recite the traditional words – Hamakom yinachem etchem betoch sha’ar aveiley tzion v’yerushalayim – May G-d comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Ritual Practices: Shiva, Part 2

Alvin Stern

A previous article discussed various aspects of the shiva period. In this follow-up article, more of the customs relating to shiva are discussed.

At a shiva minyan, traditionally, those parts of the service normally sung, such as the Shema and Aleinu, are recited individually, without singing. The chant the leader uses is also not the usual melodic form used in the synagogue, but a more subdued, sadder tone. Since we have entered a house of mourning, where joy is absent due to the recent loss of a loved one, we do not sing or use the normal joyous melodies. Although this is indeed the traditional approach, many times the leader of the service will choose to use the normal melodies and to sing the Shema and Aleinu – this is to bring a sense of comfort to those at the service, since the normal melodies are familiar and can serve to restore a sense of normalcy to the mourners. Depending on the comfort level of those in attendance, the leader may choose to do some of the service in English, again, as a way of making the daveners feel more comfortable.

There is a custom of covering up the mirrors in a shiva house. Two of the reasons I have heard for this custom are: 1) so the mourners will not see the image of the deceased when looking at their own face – the assumption being that we do look like our relatives – and this would provoke unnecessary grief; and 2) the mourners must deprive themselves of certain pleasures during shiva – grooming, using make-up might be considered pleasurable. A somewhat superstitious reason has the soul of the deceased wandering around the house, seeing itself in the mirror and becoming frightened.

Mourners are not supposed to wear leather shoes as a sign of mourning, nor to wear new clothes – these are also examples of pleasure. Traditionally, those sitting shiva would not eat meat or drink wine; they also avoid listening to music or watching television shows (the news is OK – most of it is unfortunately not pleasurable!) As a side note, these customs are observed by all of us during the period leading up to Tisha B’av – the Jewish day of mourning.

Since the mourners are not supposed to leave their home for the duration of shiva (except to go to shul on Shabbat, when we do not sit shiva) it has been a custom to have friends and members of the community prepare the meals for the family in mourning and bring them to the house. This would free the mourners from having to worry about preparing meals, and since someone who is extremely sad and depressed may not remember to eat properly, this custom ensures that the mourners will eat well. TBS’s Sisterhood has had a committee (Heart and Hand) to help prepare the Meal of Consolation, eaten right after the funeral and burial; chavura groups have chipped in to provide full meals from caterers or kosher butchers; and individuals have brought home-cooked foods to shiva houses. Unfortunately, this wonderful tradition has evolved, in some cases, to where the mourners have set a table of fruits, cakes and drinks and offered this food to those that visit, turning a visit of consolation into a party atmosphere. We should be sure to provide for the needs of the mourners and not have them provide for us!

Obviously, sitting shiva or making a shiva visit is not something we look forward to doing. But as part of our Jewish community, each of us has the responsibility to help comfort others in their time of need. Our prayer for all those in the various stages of mourning, is that G-d will comfort them along with the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Ritual Practices: The High Holidays

Alvin Stern

When we think of the High Holidays (Yomim Noraim) we usually think of them as holidays celebrated mainly in the synagogue - after all, it seems that ALL Jews go to shul on these Holy Days! Yet, as with all the other major Jewish holidays, many of the observances connected with them are to be done at home. Think of Pesach with the family gathered around the Seder table, think of building a Sukkah in the backyard, and of course Shabbat with candle-lighting (as on all the major holidays), Shabbat dinner, relaxing at home, etc.

On Rosh HaShana, most of us are familiar with the tradition of using a round challah for the festive meals - round symbolizing the cycle of the year, round symbolizing the wishes for a smooth year to come. Raisins are usually added to the dough as an additional sweetener. We dip the challah in honey as we recite a prayer that G-d should renew for us a sweet new year. Sephardim use a challah shaped like a ladder - symbolizing our prayers for the new year going “up” directly to G-d. In addition, there is a tradition of eating a whole series of foods and reciting special prayers with them - for instance, eating carrots – that our good deeds should be increased, beets – that our enemies be destroyed, squash – that our evil sentence annulled, pomegranate - they are said to have 613 seeds, and fish - that we be fruitful and increase like fish. If the secular saying is “you are what you eat”, we believe you can eat symbolic foods to help our prayers be answered! In general, sweet foods are eaten on Rosh HaShana to represent our wishes for a sweet new year, and we greet each other saying “L’shana Tova u’Mituka” - for a good and sweet year.

On the afternoon of the first day (or if that falls on Shabbat as in this year, on the second day) we take some of the crumbs from the lunch table and walk to a nearby body of flowing water where we cast those crumbs away, representing the “sins” of the past year. This ritual is known as Tashlich and is done outside of the synagogue. In some neighborhoods, groups of friends get together for this ritual; we also gather at the shul and go as a group to the creek on Kresson Road for this short but powerful ceremony.

On the morning preceding Yom Kippur, it is traditional to perform a ritual known as Shluchen Kapporot - using a live chicken swung over our heads representing our “sins”- and the bird is then given to the poor. A much more palatable version (which I recommend doing) is to take a cloth with some money (18 cents in coins or 18 dollars works nicely) and swing this over our heads 3 times, then putting the money in a Tzedakah box. As we do this ritual we state that this money takes our place, and by giving it away we ransom ourselves.

A beautiful tradition takes place later in the day when parents bless their children - using a much longer version than the one done each Friday night. In this prayer, parents ask G-d to protect the children and pray that they grow up and have sons and daughters who will continue to study and follow the precepts of Judaism - as we are about to go off to shul to pray for personal salvation, we also pray for family continuity. When my father did this for me, and now when I recite this for my sons, it is a very emotional moment.

Normally, our holidays begin with a festive meal, but on Kol Nidre night, we eat before the holiday begins by setting the table with a white cloth and our Shabbat dishes, and the meal itself seems like a Shabbat dinner. Although some use a round challah, we use a challah that we shape like a bird - similar to the Sephardic ladder, this bird should carry our prayers on Yom Kippur directly to G-d. When we are finished eating, rather than leave an empty table, there is a tradition of leaving a prayerbook on the table in the place where the challah would normally be placed. Since on Yom Kippur our focus will be on prayers and words and thoughts and not on the materialistic or “earthy” matters - (bread comes from the earth - Hamotzi lechem min ha-aretz), we make the book the centerpiece for Yom Kippur. Before lighting the festival candles, we kindle Yahrzeit candles for those loved ones who are no longer with us physically but are very much a part of our chain of continuity.

As we dress to go to shul, we do not wear leather shoes or belts - since an animal was killed to obtain the leather, we do not want to stand before G-d begging for our lives while having the chutzpah to wear leather; we also do not wear jewelry - since we want G-d to judge us based on our spirituality and not our materialism, and we are all equal before G-d no matter our station in life. (Wedding bands are OK - since a “kosher” band has no jewels on it, it is not really jewelry; watches also serve a different function than pure adornment). We also wear white clothing (where possible) - partly to show our pure souls, partly to remind us of the white shrouds we will wear at our funerals - to remind us of setting our priorities straight, since in the end all of us end up the same way - this is also why we wear a Kittel - white robe - on the High Holidays.

When we return home after the fast is over, it is customary to begin the construction of the Sukkah before breaking the fast - to indicate our optimism in a good judgment, and to show that we are looking forward to the holiday most associated with joy. The cycle of the year begins again!

Ritual Practices: Keriah

Alvin Stern

In previous columns, we have discussed the customs and laws associated with shiva and the mourning period. In this article we will talk about the Keriah.

Traditionally, when one heard the news of a loved one’s passing, the survivor would tear his or her garment as an outward sign of the loss - just as our heart has just been broken, so too, our clothing shows that it is no longer whole. This garment would then be worn throughout the initial mourning period.

Today, as part of the funeral ritual, the mourners are given a small black cloth attached by a pin to their clothing. This is then cut as the mourners say Abaruch dayan emet@ - blessed is the True Judge. Though we certainly are not happy with G-d’s decision to take our loved one away, we must have faith in Him and accept the decision. This is what we say every time we recite the Kaddish - we praise G-d, acknowledging his mastery of the world and of us. The Keriah cloth (Keriah meaning cut) is worn on the left side for a parent (over the heart) and on the right side for brothers, sister, children, and spouses. This is another way we fulfill the Commandment to honor our parents and demonstrate the special relation children have for their parents.

The Keriah cloth is worn throughout the sheloshim period (first 30 days of mourning). Although it should be worn on Shabbat, it should not be visible - i.e. one should wear it on the inside of a jacket or under a vest or sweater. This is because we are not supposed to show outward signs of mourning on Shabbat - mourners do not sit shiva at home, but go to shul; they may put on clean Shabbat clothes and others should not extend condolences on Shabbat. Of course, though outward signs of mourning are forbidden, clearly the mourner’s emotions are deeply affected by the loss. After Shabbat ends, the mourners return home and continue sitting shiva, again wearing the Keriah cloth visibly.

The cloth is taken off at the end of the sheloshim period, marking another transition in the healing process. Though, as we have previously discussed, there are restrictions during the remainder of the year, the removal of the torn cloth publicly indicates that another step has taken toward returning to the community - as long as one is marked by the wearing of a distinctive cloth, it is obvious to all as to the mental state of the wearer, but once the cloth is removed the outer symbol is gone; hopefully, the mourner is able to put the loss in perspective and focus more on the values and good memories of the deceased than on the death and loss.