Aliyot | Burial of Shemot | Decorum During Services
| El Maleh Rachamin
| Erev Pesach on Shabbat | Hanukah | Havdalah | High Holidays | High Holiday Dress | High Holidays Preparations
| How to Dress for Shul |
Jewish Books | The
Kaddish | Kedushah | Keriah
Mi Sheberach | the Machzor | Mitzvah Minyanaires | Mourning | Pesach | Prayer
| Proper Behavior in Shul
| Proper Dress for Children in Shul | Purim Ritual
Objects | Ritual Practices | Rosh Chodesh | Seudah Shlishit | Shabbat | Shavout
| Shiva | Traditions
| Visiting the Sick
Mourning
Permit me to start this column on a personal note. My sister and I come from a small family - our mother was an only child, and our father had only one sister, who was childless. Many members of our extended family perished in the Holocaust. Our aunt passed away at the end of December and since we are her only survivors, we arranged her funeral and burial. Since we are not her children, there was no shiva or formal required mourning rituals required. However, I decided to go to shul each morning and evening of the week following burial in order to recite Kaddish. From the time we left the cemetery until I went to shul at 8 o’clock that evening, I felt emotionally drained and “empty” - but after being with the minyan, I felt a sense of comfort and was reminded of the power of coming together and reciting Kaddish as an integral part of the healing process.
This brings me to write this column about the optional aspects of the mourning period (previous articles have described shiva and other required parts). There are seven people for whom the mourning laws apply - our father, mother, brother, sister, son, daughter and spouse. For a parent there is a full year of mourning. For other relatives, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc, one may take on many of the rituals. So, for example, grandchildren often join their parents in shul on the Shabbat of shiva and stand for Kaddish along with their parents. Many of us, who as adults have fond memories of our grandparents, continue to observe the yahrzeits for these beloved relatives for whom no one else is alive who would be required to observe the date. During the Yizkor prayer on Yom Kippur and the end of the Festivals, we recite the memorial for these relatives as well.
In general, the rituals are designed to bring comfort to mourners and honor to the deceased. Many of us feel the loss of friends and relatives for whom we are not considered direct mourners. Our tradition allows us to observe rituals we feel will be helpful to us in expressing our grief. Obviously there are some specific halachic issues that may need to be discussed with one of our Rabbis - and they will try to recommend a proper, respectful manner to express our sorrow and loss and to help heal the fresh emotional wounds.
Alvin Stern |
